Can No Longer Honor Nudie Pic Trade

Although I do appreciate all of the cute jpegs Emailed to nyarlathotep1936@gmail.com with the cute little cards that read "I love 121ruebienville.com" or "I ♥ Jimm on Myspace" next to topless or nude torsos, I have run out of '121 Rue Bienville' Key Fobs to offer in exchange for them.
For the foreseeable future, any such pictures mailed to nyarlathotep1936@gmail.com will be done as an act of endearment on the part of the sender. Or unless you want to be first on the list once I sort out my issues with the Cafe Press people.

Thank you
This agreement supercedes and replaces all prior agreements 29Jun06 8:50pm

~Jimm
nyarlathotep1936@gmail.com

Do you know who you look like??!!?!?

I'm one of those dudes whom everyone must inform of any perceived resemblance to famous people. Usually it's whoever the most famous person with long hair is at that particular point in time: Jon Bon Jovi, "A Vampire" (when Interview with a Vampire came out- they were all longhairs, you know). I even had a guy try to get an autograph because he thought I was Steven Segal. I said don't you think I'd have a smaller gut a nicer truck? But he was persistent. I suppose by having long hair I incur special attention and therefore deserve it. One consistent comparison is Adrian Paul (TV's Highlander). I got that one twice a week for 5 years. Moving to Louisiana didn't stop that, either.

OK, I don't mind that. Adrian Paul's a good-looking guy. I see minor resemblance, but hey, enough people calling a dog a horse eventually makes a dog a horse. But once I gained a little weight and if my hair became a little unruly, there was another consistent one:

Yep. Latka.

This also followed be across the country. A little distraught I was, once I received the third one of these. I can only console myself by knowing for a fact that this Rolling Stone cover got me sex in college:

Hey, Like I said, Whatever works! If I did a kilo of Heroin a week I'd have one of those Iggy Pop physiques, too.

I heard about myheritage.com, a site that scans a picture of you and tries to match you up with famous people based on your facial construct. I tried a picture from 2004. Here's what I got:

click to enlarge

Art Garfunkel? I'll KILL ya! I'll kill all your dogs! I'll Shave your Cats! The only thing I see consistent here is truckloads of forehead. Except Prince Harry, who is just a waddling nightmare mass of recessive traits since the Royals are more inbred than your average Golden Retriever. Dominic Who? Who is this guy and what is wrong with his features?


How about a 1995 picture?

click to enlarge

I give up. This is clearly just a shotgun approach. They just pick 6-8 disparate people that all have, oh I don't know, two eyes a nose and a mouth, hoping that you'll think one of them is cool.
OK, I'll bite. F. Murray Abraham is cool. Hank Mancini, all right but I don't know about insinuating a family resemblance. I wouldn't mind being associated with the "Pink Panther Theme". "Baby Elephant Walk" is right out! Once again, I don't even know who some of these people are.

So I tried Janine.

click to enlarge

Being, if nothing else a wise husband, I will not comment at all here. But I will add that Janine had the Uma Thurman thing follow her around for a few years. I just don't understand the thing in society that compels friends and strangers alike walk up to people and say "Do you know who you look like...well lemmie tell ya...".


So uh, who do you look like?

~Jimm

The Birds and the Bugs

Click any photo to enlargeThis guy is like, "I'm totally not here".
Yes, you clearly are. And that's a fire pit I don't recommend you hang out too long.
"These are not the boids you're looking for".
Your simple Jedi mind tricks don't work on me!
Anyone know what this is?
Is there a birder in the house?
26Jul06: it's a juvenile robinThis guy is like, "I'm totally not here".
Yes, yes you are rather quite there.
Now get out of the house. I have nothing you can eat.This guy is like, "I'm totally not ..."-Oh Come On!
You're not even trying!I know you're cool and all with your neon pinstripes and green chasis underglow.
But you're eating my basil and therefore must be squished like a bug.

I whipped up a temporary Turtle run today. Something just to get them out of the basement for a few hours a day until I can set up the permanent one.

I'm blessed with very photogenic turtles.
Please click on the photo to enlarge.

Swimming back against the River But I'm Rising with the Tide

I'm going to call this little foray into cyberworld a success.

I've already re-established contact with friends I haven't talked to in 10 years.
That's really cool.

Also, Myspace really is a pretty fair network for off-the-beaten-path music. My original suspicion told me that every one on Myspace was this. Oh and there's plenty of that.

But I have been exposed to lots of new music.

This dude is cool but gives me nightmares myspace.com/twoliter Watch the embedded Youtube movie.

These guys are cool but not nearly as cool as their graphic artist http://www.99namesofgod.com/

Like the above band, this band features a Warr guitar myspace.com/quodia
As much as I love Trey Gunn, Warr guitar and Chapman stick music can't help but all sound the same after a while. Quodia is terribly cool with the added theatrics and multimedia.

myspace.com/twoshirleys Is terribly interesting.

myspace.com/marceloradulovich This guy, however, kills me! I'm obsessed with the song 'Nohayquepreocuparse...' that loads on this page. For the life of me can I find out how to buy the recorded version of that song anywhere on this or his website? Hell no. Great. He's just like every other idiot I listen to that makes amazing music but I still can't get money into his hand.

And that's only about half of what I've found just this week.

And of course the Greatest band in the world, Nomeansno, are too punk rock to give a shit about updating a website, or even knowing what a publicist is, yet they have like a dozen myspace sites for the band, members and side projects.
http://www.myspace.com/myspaceiswrong
http://www.myspace.com/nomeansno1
http://www.myspace.com/tomholliston
http://www.myspace.com/hansonbrotherscanada
http://www.myspace.com/showbusinessgiants

The list goes on.


I'm sure myspace is better for these people because they can get info up quickly and don't have to learn HTML or track down the guy they pay to keep a website up. Or even pay to keep a website up for that matter. The real question is, why can't any website do what Myspace does? It should only be a short matter of time before someone comes up with a nifty software package to integrate with Myspace and be built entirely from templates. At least they should.
We might have to see Rupert Murdoch mud wrestle Bill Gates for that to happen. But hey, what are my ad banners paying for?


~Jimm

Shoes, Ships, Sealing Wax, Catalpa Trees and Kings

I'm outstanding in my field.
I mean,
I'm Out...Standing...In my field.

Wow! I have to be honest with you. I don't know a thing about Catalpa trees. This was already our favorite thing in the yard. Who knew it bloomed? We are floored. Wow.

Kind of like taking pictures of the Grand Canyon or Victoria Falls- you really can't take it all in from a picture. This thing is absolutely carpeted with flowers.

Though the plan is to take all summer to prep the garden for next year, I had to plant something. So I planted a couple dozen tomato and pepper plants in one of the garden squares with a makeshift fence. It's basically chicken wire and pie pans. I cut each of the top rings in the wire so that sharp metal points upward. I also ringed the bottom with the same. Unfortuantely, it is having a greater effect on me than the nuisance animals. I...I'm afraid to go near it now. The Noise! The sharp, poking metal! I can't talk about this.
I'm going inside now.



~Jimm

My Schweetie is Infirm

My bride has Mononucleosis. Yep. A pretty bad case apparently. They said 'Sip water, don't gulp lest your spleen burst'. So much for getting some help raking last year's leaves.

I have prepared a sickbed with lavender and hops. The velvet curtains are drawn.
We shall wheel her to the sea side in a wheeled chair made of wicker. They say the salt air is good for consumption and croup. We will wash her humors and beat her with a black rubber hose. Wellness only comes with vigorous action, you know. You must approach death with purpose-driven conviction. You must wrestle it to the ground rugby tackle-style and emerge victorious. Then all that is left, is cleaning up the spittle.

~Jimm

So just what IS blooming at Jimm's house?

Fist of all, preparation of the 'Back 40' as it will be called is underway. Forty 10'x10' garden plots will be created. The whole structure will be fenced for varmint control. This year I hope to till in manure and by fall, plant over-winter crops and a cover crop like clover or vetch.I got one of my orchids to bloom after many years with just flourescent lights and sunlight ( and cool outdoor nights)

This is the first bloom on my new Crabapple tree, Malus 'Scbrazam' Scarlet Brandywine
More on these later- I have 14 crabapple trees I need to give away.
The peonies have bloomed and slumped over like drunks. You'll notice the ones closest to you are erect while the more distant ones are down. The erect ones get longer hours of sunlight and are therefore stronger- I assume.

I don't recall what these are. I looked them up once but forget the name.

The Brugmansias are almost ready. I'm very happy they are early this year. I usually have to wait until September.
The baby brugmansias are ready for transplant, too.
This used to be a giant Lilac, apparently. Now it's a mess of Lilac suckers, baby maple trees and huge Pokeweeds. I've grown very fond of it.

I've been trying to remove this basketball hoop to no avail. The truck just pulled it over, even after I dug out around the cement at the base.

This is the only project I've found here that wasn't half-assed. Fix the roof? Sure just slap some tar up there. Plant a big, ugly rusty thing that people will surely want to remove one day? Dig to the center of the Earth and pour in 10,000 yards of concrete!

And Booger says 'Hello'.

14Jul06: Forgot the Tulip Trees, Damn!

This is not what I asked for, people.

After spending Saturday in New York, I took Sunday to catch up on some yard chores.

As I was making my very first pass on the mower, I looked under the pinetree next to my house and happened to notice that I had finally caught something in my have-a-heart trap which I set up mere inches from the caverous maw of an entrance to the groundhog fortress under my front porch. And wouldn't you know it, it was a baby. I catch nothing for three weeks. I go out of town for one day, and sure enough, I've tortured a poor animal to death because I didn't close the trap before I left. He was stuck with no food or water. How could I be so stupid?

I continued mowing, sick with guilt over this damn thing. I imagined it dying slowly while it's ever-weakening cries went down the tunnel to the rest of the family below. And if the mother did come out (wearing a babushka, of course- straight out of Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas), there was nothing either of them could do but look at each other and rub noses through the galvanized wires*. This is not what I asked for, people. I didn't have to buy a trap. I have lots of guns, I could've just shot the damn things. But I bought a have-a-heart trap, because I HAVE A HEART. I know, I'm a hunter. But that's a different procedure done for different reasons and with a different mindset.

Once I finished a couple sections of the yard, I went in for a drink, then decided to get rid of it.
I pcked up the cage and he was still alive. Great! I could've helped him an hour ago. How could I be so stupid (again!) ? He was not really even conscious, but I could tell it wasn't dead.

I put the trap into the trunk and took him to the local wildlife rehabilitation centre. Luckily, it's only a few short miles from my house. I tried to call them on the way, but just got the machine.

Once I got there, (mind you there are no signs that help direct you through the proper protocol of bringing in an animal that needs emergency care) I parked the car in an employee area and went into the general reception lobby. There was only one person in the lobby and she was explaining to someone on the phone why they don't provide care for invasive animal species-in this case, a bird. This is hard for the general public to understand. All they know is that they have an injured animal and it needed help. Why not help it?

She, of course didn't so much as acknowledge my presence. After what seemed like an eternity of being ignored dispite my obvious fidgeting while this animal suffered in my trunk I finally interrupted, "Is there someone you could call up from the back while you're finishing this up"? Well, this completely discombobulated her and made her mess up both conversations. She just interrupted with "Can I help you?". I told her I needed help in a hurry. This apparently just annoyed her, but she managed to wrap up the phone conversation.

I apologized and explained that I had a groundhog that had been in a trap for a few days and it probably needed fluids in a hurry. She said to bring it in while she got some gloves. So they took it in the back. After a while a vet tech-type person came out and talked to me for a little bit. It was of course dehydrated and hypothermic. They had it in a kennel with an oxygen door etc. Then she told me how I'm supposed to check the traps every day. "I know, I know, it's right by my door. I see it every day. I just forgot about it once when I went out of town". Then about how they need to get down into the burrow to get warm, etc. I actually had to stop her and tell her I used to work in veterinary surgery and knew what the hell was going on. I felt pretty gay saying that, but I couldn't take a half-hour anatomy & physiology lesson.

That's it. They don't know how it's going to do. You can call and ask about him. His number is 0728 06. I don't have the guts. They give you a little packet of papers including a handy-dandy donation envelope just in case you feel the need to support the cause. I'm sure I'll send them $100 to cover the office vist. Not from the guilt, but because they do need to keep the lights on and pay the staff. Oxygen kennels aren't free. Well they are when they're a donation, but still... You gotta take responsibilty when you utilize the system.


~Jimm


*I'm Anthropomorphising here. Anthopomorphism is the most destructive thing breaking down human understanding of the animal world. No matter how cute they are, animals are not people in fuzzy suits. It's not enough to love them- you must respect them. Your dog is not your "baby" to make fat and give heart problems and painful tooth decay in the name of adoration. Your cat- is a fierce killer and one of the most skillful, efficient predators on the planet. To think any less of them is a disservice which usually begets abuse.

Killing Two Ducks with One Rock

As Alma would say.

Saturday morning we got up and drove into the sun for 3 hours to meet Pat in Buffalo. He very graciously offered to drive us to Ithaca, just happy to be in the company of adults for once.



C'mon, 'Lex, It ain't so bad!








The purpose of driving to Ithaca was to catch the second to last day of a show at the Herbert F. Johnson Museum of Art featuring the work of Robert Parkeharrison.

The art museum is on the campus of Cornell University, where Pat is an Alum. I'm not sure if Pat knew ahead of time or not, but this weekend was Cornell's Alumni weekend. So the place was packed. Consequently, parking wasn't spectacular, and we had to rush around, avoiding people Pat might know since we had precious little time for chit chat before the Museum closed.

Cornell has a beautiful campus, overlooking the Fingerlake valleys. You get some great views from way up there, but Cornell attracts some real over-achievers. It also inspires Asian kids to commit suicide by jumping off of one of the bridges when one gets his or her first "B" and dishonors the family. Was that racist? That's how it was explained to me.

I think they have about 5 jumpers a year. The ability to swim is a prereq for admission to Cornell-Seriously.

Somehow, even though it was established 20 years after Case Western Reserve University, Cornell has amassed a quite-a-bit larger collection of stunning buildings that are now very old.


But it was good to see that they had at least one that looked like everything at Case.

Upon arrival, we had a quick lunch at a pizza place that endears itself to the students by letting them put graffiti on the walls, then we ran off to the exhibit.

Sorry about your luck, Penns. It was a simple syntax discrepancy. Could happen to anyone, honest.

The Parkeharrison exhibit was amazing. I've been in love with this guy's work for quite a while now. I did learn a few things. 1. I didn't know that his prints are self-portraits. He portrays the "Everyman" archetype, interacting with landscapes or something approximating nature. 2. I didn't know that thematically, it's all just a bunch of claptrap about "man's destruction of the environment"; Woe is us, the sky is falling, capitalism and owning material objects are a sin, blah, blah, blah. So-called consciousness-raising as a social tool. 3. A lot of these prints are normally housed at the Eastman House in Rochester, so coming as close to Cleveland as Ithaca wasn't such a treat after all.

From The museum website:
Robert ParkeHarrison’s innovative approach to picture making draws upon the use of the paper negative and collage to construct stories of healing and restoration amid landscapes scarred by technology and overuse. In Herculean actions that are both humorously metaphorical and lyrically poetic, ParkeHarrison constructs beguiling stories that gently remind us to consider the state of our one and only earth. At the center of each of his pictorial tales is a lone individual—ParkeHarrison himself as “Everyman”—the “Architect’s” brother. This suit-clad figure patches holes in the sky, creates rain machines, chases storms to create electricity, and communicates with the land to learn of its needs


We were a little saddened to see that his use of cut & paste was in evidence in some prints. In one, he used an image of small structure, repeated to create a ladder. Of course this could be on purpose. Artists are always free to come up with some bullshit: "Oh, that's on purpose; it symbolizes the repetition with which we rape the resources of the earth..."

Yeah, well it looks like cut & paste. No matter, his work still tears me apart, social commentary aside. Of course, the large originals are much more rewarding than anything you can see online. For instance, you can appreciate the garbage/ found objects he uses to build the "contraptions" he manipulates in the prints.
To me, his work is like listening to Mike Keneally, in that you just can't believe the fantastic art he has in his head, let alone his amazing ability to execute it. Trying to follow either of them process a general idea to finished product makes me sick with jealousy.

The exhibit is called The Architect's Brother (a little haughty, maybe?) and I'm sure you can see the whole collection and get all the commentary on Google.


In a perfect world, we were then hoping to to catch Zoe Keating playing in Toronto at 9:00. Because, like, everthing in in New York is right next to everything else in New York, right? And Toronto's just in there, too, right? So we headed out at ~4:10pm, all Dukes of Hazard-style. Pat had us in the Venue in Toronto at 8:20pm, after 10 minutes of trying to park. I was impressed. White-knuckled, but impressed. We spent a lot of it playing our usual driving game where you have to think of a famous person whose first name begins with the last letter of the name of the last person invoked. This quickly becomes the game of "How many people can you think of whose name starts with 'Y'"?

Let's see... Yuri Gagarin, Yuri Andropov, Yassir Arafat, Yusuf Islam, Yves St. Laurent, Yves Montand, Yo-Yo Ma, Yngwie Malmsteen, Yakov Smirnoff, you get it. You gotta have these ready if someone whips a "Ned Beatty" at you (now THERE's an image).

Zoe's set was fantastic. She's just lovely and so endearing. And I'll have you know I found out about the gig on her Myspace account, just to give myself a little validation, there.
Zoe has just left Rasputina. She's was the latest "second chair" cellist. But apparently her solo work is taking off, so she had to leave. I hated to see it happen, she was at least 50% of our enjoyment of the band. But good for her. You can't be sad about success. And Rasputina really is Melora's gig. There's only so much room for growth. As long as everyone's OK with that.

Zoe's current style is based on looping, which has become really popular now that the tech is more affordable, controllable and accurate. She plays a few passing lines that are recorded and play back in "loops". She layers a few loops, then she solos over the loops ala Jaco or Manring (playing Jaco, here). Since the looping is done live, the artist still gets full cred. No one's like, "Hey! They're just playing with a tape"!

I had a camera, but I haven't yet bothered to learn how to control shutter speed, aperture and all that, so the performance pictures didn't really come out. I didn't want to use the flash as I was all of 5 feet away from her and I couldn't get the noisy sounds turned off on the camera. But I did get a little movie. I really should Email her make sure it's cool to post.



So, wow! How much culture can one take in a day?
At the same time we are both inspired to run home and create art as well as self-flagellate because we never did learn how to really play music or do image art well. We mourn being so old yet undeveloped, and weep in the face of such beauty. At least that's how Janine & I respond. Pat probably just wished he was in his boxers eating beer nuts. In the end, we drove 5 hours to look at a couple dozen pictures, then another four to see a 50-minute set. I don't regret a minute of it. I would do this every weekend if I could. Especially if I got to spend the time in-between hanging out with Pat- while he drives!

I'm Passing the Hat

Thanks to Foodie networks, magazines and The Oprah, we've all heard about Kopi Luwak. It's the coffee made from beans consumed, then excreted my a small, jungle rodent (or some such small, furry thing). Apparently, the digestive enzymes pit the beans, then get in and re-arrange the mircostructure of the beans all crazy silly-like.

You can read about detailed analysis here. I don't know how the "Electronic Nose" assay described in this article compares to Gas Chromatography, but I do know why college tuition goes up 7% annually across the board while inflation only goes up 4.2%.

Test Kitchens.

How in the Hell are we going to stay ahead of Alton Brown?

Cute little bugger, Ain't he? He's passing the beans, I'm passing the hat.

The "microstructural re-arrangement" supposedly gives a wonderful, smooth, smokey character to the beans. The beans are hand-sorted by 4th-world village children who make pennies a week sorting metric tons (tonnes) of beans from other artifacts in the effluence (probably corn). If not sorting poop coffee, these children would probably end up in pre-teen prostitution. It's a market you HAVE to support! Insuring fair trade wages for these children pushes the prices of this coffee upwards of $500 a pound. Wouldn't you say it's worth it to prevent them from becoming Socialists like France and Germany?

OK, I made most of that last paragraph up, but certainly not the price. And I'm certainly serious! If you want to go in on a bag, send no money now! Simply use the comments section to commit. Once I have enough to purchase a salable amount (it is often available in 1/2 or 1/4 lb. bags), we'll discuss collection of money. And I don't care if you're in Europe. I have a Vaccu-seal thingy. I can pop it into the post, no problem. The paper above used 8 grams of coffee per six ounce cup. That should mean (based on my primate-level math skills) that $8.82 will get you a cup.

Such

A

Deal.

What did you pay for the last cup of swill from Starbucks that just got cold in your car?

Elsevier is an awesome source for food-related science. Forget that "How to read a French Fry" or "What Einstein Told His Cook" crap. This is hard core stuff.

Talk to me.

~Jimm

Epilogue: 2 weeks after the publication of his paper, Mr.Marcone was saddened to discover that his Kopi Luwak had been replaced with Folgers crystals ® .

Quick Complaint about Myspace

OK, 2:

Why is it that no one on Myspace (Again, I'm talking you, musicians) can put a freakin' text over a freakin' background that lets you see the print? Maybe I'm getting old, but your 5pt. font in electric blue on black or a very busy color picture of your mug makes me all googly-eyed. I get tired of highlighting any text I want to read.

Is it really proper protocol to thank every person that adds you to a friends list?
I'd feel like I'm wasting your space. I know that I don't want to look at everyone's dumb "Thanks for the Add" post, complete with giant, home-made, poorly photoshopped self portrait. Maybe they mean "Thanks for the A.D.D."

But do the people who approve me feel offended if I don't acknowledge that they let me into their little HTML world?


3 posts on my first real day of blogging. I'll Settle down now.
~Jimm

Jimm starts blog! Reaction is swift!

you sell out!

you say you want to live off the grid and now this.

you, my friend, are part of the matrix now.

take the blue pill

It's true.
This is the same guy who accused me of living my life like Brando in "The Last Tango in Paris" (Which is about the coolest thing anyone has ever said about me, even though he was castigating me). We'll call it hyperbole.

My defense?
Sure, I'd love to live in a Unibomber cabin and never deal with such things.
Basically, all of the musicians(and some who only claim to be musicians)I listen to have abandoned their websites and now spend all of their time on Myspace. Most of the musicians I listen to can't be arsed to send a damn Email to let me know when they're coming to town. I'm on like, 40 Mailing lists and still miss 5 shows a year. I guess if you engage in something as horrible as self-promotion, you're a sell-out. I spend hundreds (and sometimes more hundreds) of dollars every time Mike Keneally goes on tour. Unfortuately, most of this goes to hotels and restaurants as I travel hither and yon to catch his shows. FOCUS, ARTISTS! You don't have to eat cold macaroni! Send an Email! Stop by!
So fine, if you want to go to Myspace, I will come to you (not picking on Keneally, here). And you need an account to use Myspace and they have to put like, 800 cookies on your computer. That's OK. I'll get them back. I just don't know how, yet.

I totally dig the YouTube community, so I joined that http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=Nyarlathotep1926

And the blog? I don't know. I'm sick of mass-emailing?
Does anyone really need to read a blog? Does anyone care that much about the mundane details of anyone else's life? I've seen it done successfully. And I can finally prove to Alma that I'm not New Yorker quality. All bloggers are just trying to be David Sedaris, right? How witty can we be in describing what we think is the only fucked up life on the planet? I just imagine I have a little circle of friends that care and want to keep in touch. Maybe Mom & Grandma. Sorry for all the cursing, Mom & Grandma.

Thanks for participating.

~Jimm

Well, Shit, this didn't take long

From my Myspace Account:



Julie wants to be your friend!
i love 2 goto clubs and have a few beers - its okay tho cuz i work out non stop haha. i hate mondays. booo for work. I used to do some modeling when i was a teenager but that career just isnt for me. i spent some time in LA after high school and miss it so much but it's good to be back. most my peeps dont live here anymore so hit me up and lets hit a club!


I get it. A club or service creates a profile with a Clipart pic of the hottest chick you've ever seen in your life (like, every chick used to sell Nachos, Soda Pop and Cable News) And the idea is to get you to go downtown and spend money. This smacks of the "Girls in CLEVELAND want to meet You!" banners I see on sites with 9 second sex videos. Every lonely dude on the planet (including Biohazard-look at her friends list) gets the thrill of his life when he gets this add request. Then, he never actually meets her. She is Max Headroom.

I'll post this on her page and see what happens.

I don't actually look at sites with 9 second sex videos, Mom & Grandma...
~Jimm

Test 2

lemmie see here, does it work when i....






~Jimm

Test 1

My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes.